Poor Harold Bornstein Says Donald Trump Dictated that Letter About His God-Like Health

Harold Bornstein, Donald Trump’s personal physician who in 2015 declared his patient to be full of “stamina,” is having a very bad week!

On Tuesday, Bornstein reared his leonine head once more, telling NBC News that his office was ransacked in a “raid” by Trump’s henchmen last February. Kurt Schiller, Trump’s personal bodyguard and another man whom Bornstein, shattered and demoralized as he was, could only describe as “large,” barged into his office and snatched what is reportedly the only copy of Trump’s medical chart and scurried away.

In a searing-hot exclusive, CNN reports that Bornstein says that he didn’t write the 2015 letter that proclaimed Donald Trump, who loves a cheeseburger and eschews physical exercise, is in excellent physical condition. “He dictated that whole letter,” Bornstein told CNN on Tuesday. “I didn’t write that letter. I just made it up as I went along.” Having read the letter and laid eyes on Donald Trump, a man whose insides appear to be attempting escape through his skin, this tracks.

“That’s black humor, that letter. That’s my sense of humor,” he said. “It’s like the movie ‘Fargo’: It takes the truth and moves it in a different direction.”

He said Trump read out the language as Bornstein and his wife were driving across Central Park.

“(Trump) dictated the letter and I would tell him what he couldn’t put in there,” he said. “They came to pick up their letter at 4 o’clock or something.”

Harold, my man, I desperately want to trust you and I feel for you! Please say more. You’re doing so well. Tell us everything.