Screenshot: YouTube/CNN

Have you ever read a story that made your stomach sink softly, softly into your butt? No? Join me, then, in a close reading of a recent NBC News report about Donald Trump’s former personal physician Harold Bornstein, whose office was visited by Trump aides last February in what he describes as a “raid.” Harold feels hurt, and honestly, so do I.

Dr. Bornstein, he of the long flowing hair and Trump’s “astonishingly excellent” bill of health, received a visit from former Trump bodyguard Keith Schiller and “another large man” days after he told the New York Times that Trump takes Propecia for hair growth. Schiller & Co. reportedly grabbed the only copy of Trump’s medical charts, which isn’t suspicious or crazy at all. That seems fine.

Dr. Bornstein described his feeling following the “raid” as “raped, frightened and sad,” which is not... quite how I would put it, Harold, okay? Via NBC:

“They must have been here for 25 or 30 minutes. It created a lot of chaos,” Bornstein said, who described the incident as frightening.

A framed 8x10 photo of Bornstein and Trump that had been hanging on the wall in the waiting room now lies flat under a stack of papers on the top shelf of Bornstein’s bookshelf. Bornstein said the men asked him to take it off the wall.

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Huh, I feel something. What is that feeling? Bad? Do I feel bad for Harold Bornstein, whose business cards say “dottore molto famoso” below his name? Do I feel bad for Harold Bornstein, who defended his assertion that Trump would be the healthiest president ever by saying “I like that sentence to be quite honest with you, and all the rest of them are either sick or dead”? Maybe!!!

Dr. Bornstein also frankly doesn’t get what the BFD is about Propecia:

“I couldn’t believe anybody was making a big deal out of a drug to grow his hair that seemed to be so important. And it certainly was not a breach of medical trust to tell somebody they take Propecia to grow their hair. What’s the matter with that?”

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Listen, you are right, Harold! What is the big deal!?

All is not lost for this good doctor, however. Some things still feel nice. The downfall of a rival, for example.

Bornstein said he is speaking out now after seeing reports that Ronny Jackson, who has allegedly been called “the candy man” for loosely prescribing pain medications as White House doctor, will not return to his post after being considered to run the Veterans Administration.

“This is like a celebration for me,” he said.

Again, I say: Let’s get this man to the White House.