Donald Trump's Doctor Declares His Health 'Astonishingly Excellent'

Illustration for article titled Donald Trumps Doctor Declares His Health Astonishingly Excellent

Earlier this month, Chester Cheetah impersonator and presidential candidate Donald Trump pledged to release his medical records, promising they are “perfection.” In lieu of that, he’s released a doctor’s note, issued by the most effusive doctor who’s ever lived, who promises he would be “the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

Trump announced via Facebook and Twitter Monday afternoon that his doctor had confirmed his “stamina,” a term I will personally beg him to stop using:

Illustration for article titled Donald Trumps Doctor Declares His Health Astonishingly Excellent
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And here’s the text of the doctor’s note, issued by Dr. Harold N. Borenstein, a gastroenterologist at Lenox Hill Hospital on the Upper East Side, who also serves as Trump’s personal blood pressure hype man:

Illustration for article titled Donald Trumps Doctor Declares His Health Astonishingly Excellent

There you have it. Sticklers and America-hating losers are noting that a doctor’s note isn’t quite the same thing as releasing one’s medical records—very different, in fact—but they’re probably just jealous of Trump’s svelte, lean, cancer-free bod and totally sober lifestyle.

Apropos of nothing, we leave you with this photo:

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Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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Trump on December 12, 2015. Photo via AP Images

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DISCUSSION

Trump has been getting a lot of comparisons Hitler lately, but this strikes me as familiar to another murderous dictator: Kim Jong Il. Like, we’re told Donald Trump’s health would be the best of any president in history, that he’s got the most amazing memory ever seen, that he’ll solve all our problems because he’s the smartest person ever and the best negotiator ever. These cartoonish exaggerations remind me of the ways in which North Korea was forced to deify their leader. The difference is 1) Kim Jong Il actually threatened to kill them if they didn’t go along with the charade and 2) I imagine that a lot of Trump’s supporters who totally buy into this factually-devoid picture of their savior would mock North Koreans for accepting what they did about Kim Jong Il