Ted Cruz's Neighbors Must Really Hate Him

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz's Neighbors Must Really Hate Him
Photo: Ken Cedeno/Pool (AP)

In the ongoing saga of Senator Ted Cruz’s vacation to Mexico in the midst of an unprecedented snowstorm that has left millions in Texas without heat, water, or electricity for days, we’ve finally gotten to perhaps the most incriminating aspect—texts from his wife’s group messages. After Senator Cruz released a statement on Thursday morning attempting to shift the responsibility for his decision to travel to Cancún to his daughters, the New York Times obtained text messages from Ms. Cruz planning the family’s Mexico trip. Now I’m far from perfect, but I hope I never do something so abjectly awful that my neighbors would snitch on me to a national newspaper for being such a selfish piece of shit.

On Wednesday morning, Ms. Cruz reportedly texted her “friends” and neighbors in Houston saying that their house was “FREEZING” and that they were planning to get away for the next few days. Apparently, the Cruz family had been staying with friends to keep warm, but then had the exceedingly foolish idea to go on a tropical vacation in the midst of a catastrophic weather event occurring during a global health crisis.

“Anyone can or want to leave for the week?” she asked. “We may go to Cancún.” Ms. Cruz continued on to offer details about a “direct flight” on Wednesday afternoon, mentioning a stay at the Cancún Ritz Carlton ( “hotels w capacity. Seriously”), and a Sunday return—decidedly different than Cruz’s claim that he was just flying his daughters down to Cancún and then planning to return to Texas. She noted that the room price this week was $309 per night and that the hotel had “good security,” which is definitely not a racist dog whistle at all. Unsurprisingly, none of her neighbors appeared to respond to her texts. Perhaps they were too busy huddling together to stay warm because their house was also “FREEZING”! In her messages, Ms. Cruz did offer up a little bit of help, writing “we have gas stove, so at least we can heat water little that there is happy to help anyone we can too.”

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In his statement on Thursday afternoon, Cruz mentioned that part of the reason for the impromptu trip was that his daughters’ Houston private school was closed this week. However, two parents at the school provided a copy of the school’s written policy about international travel during the pandemic, which specifies that students are not allowed to return to classrooms for at least a full week after traveling outside of the country, or after getting a negative result on a covid-19 test taken three to five days after returning to the U.S.—all of which would prevent the Cruz children from returning to school next week. So not only has Cruz’s willful and deeply selfish incompetence angered a large number of his constituents, but he’s also pissed off both his neighbors and the other parents at his daughters’ school! ....Yeah, they might have to move.

As of Thursday evening, there are 34 deaths that have been attributed to the storm and subsequent breakdown in infrastructure in Texas and surrounding states, and nearly half of Texas residents don’t have access to clean running water. Despite his attempt to blame his cowardice on his 10 and 12-year-old daughters, Cruz’s decision to abandon his state and his constituents in the midst of such a devastating crisis can’t be blamed on anyone but himself.

If you listen very closely, you might just be able to hear Ted Cruz’s political career being flushed down the toilet—and what a sweet sound it is.

Freelance writer & night blogger at Jezebel. Lover of television, astrology, and sandwiches.

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DISCUSSION

So his wife is as selfish and clueless as he is. What a perfect match.

They also left their poodle in their “FREEZING!” house, to be taken care of by a bodyguard. The dog’s name? Snowflake. Wish I was kidding.