Here's Melania, Planting a Tree in a $4,000 Skirt Just Like You Do

Melania Trump was pried out of her cave and forced to appear in public again today, this time to join the descendants of a couple of past presidents to plant a sapling on the White House grounds. If you thought she was going to slap on some grungy Keds and an old pair of cutoffs like some wage-working peasant who can’t afford to have their knees replaced when they finally blow out, you were wrong.

Like all of her outfits, Melania’s gardening ensemble costs more than the average American makes in months. The skirt, an airy Valentino A-line, retailed at nearly $4,000, while the shoes are $700 Louboutins, which sank straight into the soft muck as she patted around with her ceremonial shovel.

What if…she just kept sinking? And do you think that’s secretly what she’s hoping for, too? That she’ll just sink deeper and deeper into the cool, damp earth, where she’ll never have to see her husband or pretend to care about internet bullying ever again?

The craziest part is, we know she has appropriate gardening shoes. I remain entirely uncertain whether this bitch is trolling us.