Surgeon General Pleads With Kylie Jenner to Save Us From Coronavirus

Illustration for article titled Surgeon General Pleads With Kylie Jenner to Save Us From Coronavirus
Image: ABC

There are plenty of things that Kylie Jenner is more than capable of accomplishing. Generating widespread controversy for her blatant disregard of common sense or a tangible moral center are certainly her most marketable skills, as is pioneering the plastic surgery wishlists of just about every Instagram influencer the world over. One thing she is not, however, is an epidemiologist. She’s not even a licensed medical professional or one of those pseudo-doctors with Youtube channels that think they can cure disease with the healing powers of their subscription-service crystal deliveries. Unfortunately, this complicates Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams’s latest request to Jenner and her famous friends: Spare us from coronavirus, please!

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On Good Morning America today, Dr. Adams said:

“What I really think we need to do ... (is) get our influencers, Kevin Durant, Donovan Mitchell, we need to get Kylie Jenner, we need to get our social media influencers out there and helping folks understand that, look, this is serious. This is absolutely serious. People are dying.”

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On Twitter, in between shilling her skincare line to followers, Jenner asked her legions of customers to their part amid mass social distancing measures:

She also claimed, in an Instagram story, that pregnancy prepared her for “quarantine.” By which she means: Avoiding paparazzi cameras and having the luxury to never leaving the house is incredibly easy when you’re rich and famous and sequestered high in the hills of Calabasas. The good news for the Surgeon General, though? In the 48 hours since she demanded we stay inside, nearly 8,000 of her 30 million followers have retweeted her. I think it’s working! [NY Daily News]


Amy Klobuchar, who has not currently been announced as Joe Biden’s vice presidential pick, is doing everything she possibly can to ensure that—at the least—her name is front and center when googling “Who is Joe Biden’s VP?”

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On The View this morning, where she was previously roasted alive for her horrific track record as prosecutor in Minneapolis, she addressed speculation (pushed by her own staff) that she was being considered as Joe Biden’s VP pick: “I am not talking about hypotheticals. [...] There are great women throughout this country, and no one knows better about being vice president than Joe Biden.” She also claimed she had not spoken to Biden about the possibility.

Jokes aside, I do wonder? Will the battle to be Joe Biden’s VP be as convoluted and poorly handled as this entire Democratic primary has been? Probably. I will miss the debates, though. Maybe the DNC should put all the women on a stage and have them debate each other. It would also buy Biden some time to learn how to use speakerphone. [ABC]

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One America News reporters are as wild, racist, and incomprehensible as Donald Trump, whom they love—very, very, very much.

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  • Jared Kushner has no idea what the fuck he’s doing! [Washington Post]
  • A Senate Intelligence Chairman warned “well-connected constituents” about Coronavirus weeks before the general public was informed. [NPR]
  • Minnesota and Vermont move to classify grocery store employees—cash register workers, warehouse stockers, delivery drivers—as “emergency employees.” [CNN]
  • A ninth person has died in ICE custody this year. [Buzzfeed News]
  • Despite warnings about risk and infection, Trump will keep immigration courts operating. [Guardian]
  • Many—including my own husband—are finding it impossible to file for unemployment with the mass layoffs happening across the country. [New York Times]
  • Trump, amid widespread shortages of necessary health supplies, thumbed his nose at the affected and said the federal government “is not a shipping clerk.” Fuck you, asshole! [Politico]

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DISCUSSION

bammontaylor
Bammon Taylor

What I really think we need to do ... (is) get our influencers, Kevin Durant, Donovan Mitchell, we need to get Kylie Jenner, we need to get our social media influencers out there and helping folks understand that, look, this is serious. This is absolutely serious. People are dying.

What the actual fuck. I guess that’s today’s installment of “You wanna know how incompetent the Trump administration is? Well, watch this.”