Oh My Fucking God, the DOJ is Investigating Hillary's Goddamn Emails AGAIN

The DOJ is opening an investigation into Hillary’s goddamn emails, yet again. Can you believe it? Of course you can!

Because it is taking me significant resolve to issue a coherent response and not simply smash random keys on my computer over and over again, allow me to quote the Daily Beast’s report on the new investigation:

An ally of Attorney General Jeff Sessions who is familiar with the thinking at the Justice Department’s Washington headquarters described it as an effort to gather new details on how Clinton and her aides handled classified material. Officials’ questions include how much classified information was sent over Clinton’s server; who put that information into an unclassified environment, and how; and which investigators knew about these matters and when. The Sessions ally also said officials have questions about immunity agreements that Clinton aides may have made.

Who the fuck cares? Donald Trump’s penis is about to get us into war with North Korea and Hillary Clinton lives in the woods now. But this is reportedly happening because Trump, a true imbecile who whose band of incompetent crooks is under investigation for potentially colluding with Russia, has continued to rail about his former political opponent’s emails more than a year after the election, like so:

Meanwhile, the DOJ is conveniently overlooking the fact that at least six White House advisers—including Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump—have used private email accounts, and that Trump is a walking security breach who uses unsecured lines to talk to world leaders, who routinely spreads misinformation and lies to the public, who has released sensitive information without consulting intelligence officials, and who is in such deep shit that he’s looking into ways to pardon himself. But please, yes, let’s take another look into Hillary’s emails.