Donald Trump Barely Knew His Lawyer of 12 Years, Says Donald Trump

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Michael Cohen, who? Donald Trump does not seem to remember much about his personal lawyer and fixer for more than 10 years, the guy who once vowed to take a bullet for him—and recently pleaded guilty to eight federal crimes. In a Fox News interview that aired Thursday, Trump said that Cohen was “not somebody that was with me that much” and that he only worked for him “part time.”

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“You know, they make it sound like I didn’t live without him, I understood Michael Cohen very well,” Trump told Fox News. “Turns out he wasn’t a very good lawyer, frankly.” Wow, harsh.

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In the same interview, Trump also told Fox that the stock market would crash if were to be impeached. “Without this thinking,” he said, pointing to his head, “you would see numbers that you wouldn’t believe.”

Prachi Gupta is a senior reporter at Jezebel.

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Later, after the divorce, “Melania wasn’t a very good wife. I saw her once a year, around Christmas. Terrible in bed. Not a 10.” Later, after the disowning, “Don Jr.? Never talked to him. Think I saw him once in New York, across the room at restaurant.” Later, at the check-in center in Hell, “Donald Trump? The guy was a bum. My name is John Barron.”