It's Crime Time (for an Unnamed Candidate)

Illustration for article titled It's Crime Time (for an Unnamed Candidate)
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It’s crime time!!!

On Tuesday afternoon, Michael Cohen—Donald Trump’s former attorney and the man who once proclaimed he would “take a bullet” for the president—pleaded guilty to eight counts ranging from tax evasion and bank fraud to “making an unlawful corporate campaign contribution” and “making an excessive campaign contribution” on October 27, 2016—the day that Cohen transferred $130,000 to Stormy Daniels in return for her silence on her alleged affair with Donald Trump.

While in court on Tuesday, Cohen admitted to the judge presiding over his case that the payment to Stormy Daniels was made “at the direction of” an unnamed candidate, with the goal of influencing the 2016 election. This unnamed candidate also, he said, directed him to violate campaign law.


As the New York Times and other outlets noted, Cohen’s plea agreement doesn’t compel him to further cooperate with federal prosecutors, but it also doesn’t prevent him from providing information to special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation.

Cohen faces a likely prison sentence of 46 to 63 months, Bloomberg reports. He has been released on a $500,000 bond, and his sentencing date has been set for December 12.

Senior reporter, Jezebel

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So! I have discovered that “unindicted co-conspirator” fits perfectly in the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” cadence of the same theme. If you will allow me a moment:

Unindicted Co-Conspir-ator
Unindicted Co-Conspir-ator

Orange turd in the White House
goin’ to jail!