Trump to Release the Biggest, Most Beautiful Medical Records You've Ever Seen

Enraged Gak spill Donald Trump spent the past few days refusing to release his medical records, something that’s customary for presidential candidates, before announcing this morning that he’ll release them within two weeks. They will show “perfection,” he added, as we all suddenly gagged in unison.

Politico reports that they began asking Trump’s campaign when they planned to release his medical records back in October, with no response.

“While the health of a presidential candidate is always important, and nominees release their medical records as a matter of course,” Politico’s Ben Schreckinger wrote, a little shadily, “Trump’s age, diet and self-professed lack of workout regimen makes the issue more pressing in his case.”

Trump quickly decided to release those records.

Trump was, of course, declared “medically unfit” in 1968 to serve in Vietnam, and declared ineligible again in 1972 and given a permanent deferment. We sincerely hope he’s feeling better.

Trump with an enthusiastic well-wisher on December 2, 2015. Photo via AP Images.