Won't Somebody Please Think of Chris Christie's Miserable Children?

image via Getty.
image via Getty.

Chris Christie caused a government shut down that closed all of New Jersey’s state beaches over the Fourth of July weekend. Then he enjoyed the beach with his family on an empty shoreline. Then he got dragged to hell over it. You know who didn’t enjoy all the memes, guys? Chris Christie’s kids. Bet you feel bad now.

New Jersey 101.5 reports that Governor Christie called into radio show Ask the Governor on Thursday, to describe how his poor, sad, miserable kids came up to him after the controversy exploded and tried to take the blame for the fact that he came to their beach party:

“They came to me and said, ‘It’s our fault, we should have just told you that we would have just told all of our friends to go away.’ And I said to them, no, this was my decision,” he said.


Can you imagine if he had ruined a child’s party and sent all their “friends” home just to please the public? That’s apparently what we all wanted, hateful online monsters that we are. Christie says he reminded them that he was the adult in the situation and his decision to enjoy the beach after barring the citizens of New Jersey from doing so was his alone. But all of us wags out on the internet simply don’t understand how hurtful the whole episode was to his innocent babes. The most hurt they’ve ever been!

“They were more hurt by this latest episode than they’ve been hurt by anything else that has happened in the eight years and they don’t understand people’s unfairness and, quite frankly, their ignorance,” Christie said.

If only we’d kept our comments about it to ourselves and respected the tenderness of youth.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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“No, no, see, it wasn’t my fault. You know whose fault it was? My damn kids with their damn beach party that I had nooooo idea was happening, but at least they took the blame like good little soldiers after I crashed their party, and don’t you feel sorry for them, because they’re sorry? They’re so sorry, you guys!”

I feel sorry for his kids being his kids, and also because their father just threw them under the bus to save his own ego.

Even if his kids actually had a beach party without his knowledge, which is a huge stretch, know who doesn’t have beach parties? Kids of parents who parent responsibly and say “no, kiddos, you can’t have a party on the beach because I closed them.”