Big baby, thrilled.
Image: Getty

The Kushner Cos., the company owned by the family of Jared Kushner, President Trump’s special big boy advisor and son-in-law, is honestly so happy that the federal government has chosen to subpoena it for information about whether or not it filed false documents about real estate holdings in New York City, thank you so very much for asking!!

Never mind that the AP reported that Kushner Cos. “routinely filed false paperwork with the city stating it had zero rent-regulated tenants in buildings across the city when, in fact, it had hundreds” during a period when Jared ran the company. Everything is fine! Kushner Cos. welcomes the investigation!

From the AP:

Tenant advocates say such false filings allow landlords to avoid heightened city oversight designed to keep lower-paying, rent-regulated tenants from being harassed during construction and pressured to leave, freeing up apartments for higher-paying residents.

Kushner Cos. told the AP at the time of its report that the company outsources preparation of construction permit applications and fixes any mistakes immediately. Records show the company did file some amended documents, often more than a year later.

The AP report, based on work by nonprofit watchdog Housing Rights Initiative, has sparked an inquiry by the New York state attorney general’s office and a city council investigation.

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According to a statement provided to the AP, the Kushner Cos. have “nothing to hide and is cooperating fully with all legitimate requests for information, including this subpoena.” Did you hear that, feds? You can’t break Jare-bear’s spirit that easily! Come at him, bros.

Jared’s good at his job! He’s a big boy who wears flak jackets over his navy blazers and speaks with the adenoidal honk of a nerd from Westchester who would really, really like you to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing to annoy him, at once Most importantly, he doesn’t CARE, okay? God!