Newt Gingrich is alive and well and in Italy. I know this because his wife, Callista Gingrich, took a photo of him after dinner and posted it to Instagram to terrify young travelers not to go to Italy during a pandemic. I think. Callista, if you have forgotten, is the American ambassador to the Holy See (the Vatican), which is why she and her husband are dining in Italy.
What’s going through Newt’s mind here? We know he just ate, so this could be the smile of a man who just enjoyed some delicious pasta. But there’s something more sinister behind those bespectacled eyes. Something more Hannibal Lecter, although I suppose that might have more to do with the fact that he’s being poorly lit by his cellphone than his penchant for cannibalism. Although we don’t know for sure either way, so who’s to say he’s not imagining someone’s liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Or perhaps this is Newt’s sexy face. After all, he is looking at his wife whom we can presume he loves and makes sex with. Are these eyes asking to fuck? Is Newt about to take that mouth and give Callista the best post-pasta head she’s ever gotten? It would probably be great because, as my astute eagle-eyed colleague Megan Reynolds pointed out it appears that Newt might not be wearing his teeth in this shot. He could be ready to gum down his wife’s goodies until the Pope comes home.
What do you think Newt is thinking? More importantly, what weapon is he about to use to murder you during your fit of sleep paralysis tonight?