What the Trump Kids Were Up To While You Were Enjoying Your New Year

It’s a new year and a new decade, and for many, it’s a time for fresh starts or at least shallowly convincing oneself that a fresh start is on the horizon. But realistically, most of us are still stuck with the dregs of 2019. For example, Donald Trump is still president and says dumb shit like this:

And on top of that, his administration-affiliated adult children are still corrupt and insufferable. From invites to Davos to eating cake barefoot, here’s what the Trump kids have been up to these last couple of days:

Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner

While everyone else was busy trying to list all of their accomplishments and failures of the last decade, President Trump tapped his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner to be part of the official White House delegation attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Ivanka is an expert at pretending she should have any influence in geo-political affairs, so she’ll be great. Perhaps Kushner can share his newest strategy to bring forth peace in the Middle East, because that whole moving-the-US-embassy-to-Jerusalem idea was a real winner.

In other news, Ivanka has been standing in haunted clock towers.

And wearing red.

Donald Trump Jr and Kimberly Guilfoyle

Don Jr turned 42-years-old on New Year’s Eve. He took some time out of his busy schedule shilling his (bad) book Triggered and spamming his Instagram feed with (bad) memes to post a few birthday photos of himself with his family. One cursed photo showed Don Jr eating a chocolate cake barefoot. There’s nothing wrong with eating cake barefoot, but we could have all lived our lives without seeing Don Jr’s feet.

Don Jr’s girlfriend, Kimberley Guilfoyle, wished him a happy birthday and called him a “patriot and warrior.” Sure.

Onward to New Year’s Eve at Mar-a-Lago, where Guilfoyle and Don Jr’s stepmother, First Lady Melania Trump, are starting to look more alike by the day:

Welp!

Eric Trump and Lara Trump

Eric and Lara Trump have been quiet ever since declaring victory in the War on Christmas, but they made sure to stunt at Mar-a-Lago for the New Year’s Eve bash. I’m pretty sure I saw Lara Trump’s dress on the Teen Choice Award red carpet in 2002.

Tiffany Trump

Tiffany Trump attended the New Year’s Eve party at Mar-a-Lago too, but her last Instagram posts were from Christmas. She’s been busy minding her own business. Cool.