In an interview with Fox Business’s Maria Bartiromo on Wednesday, Trump talked at length about eating “the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen”—which he intimated, by hand motions, was the size of a marmoset—at his winter estate, Mar-a-Lago. He also vaguely remembered authorizing the launch of 59 Tomahawk missiles, but couldn’t recall where, exactly. He guessed that he had bombed Iraq, but Bartiromo very kindly pointed that no, he bombed Syria.
Since then, the US has bombed its own allies in Syria, killing 18, and dropped the “Mother of All Bombs,” a 21,600-pound GBU-43 bomb, in Afghanistan. The MOAB is the largest non-nuclear bomb possessed by the US and has never before been used in combat.
I am not so confident that Trump knows where Afghanistan is or is aware that he just bombed it, but I am fairly certain that he’ll never forget the specific taste, texture, and aroma of whatever dessert he is currently sinking his teeth into. Is he eating a Devil’s food cake (that seems too on-the-nose)? Or perhaps a vanilla ice cream cake from Friendly’s, which is more overtly evil? Maybe a buttery Victoria sponge cake? Honestly, he’s probably sitting in the Oval Office, slathering Pillsbury funfetti cake mix onto his tiny fingers and licking it off his like Fun Dip stick.
What kind of cake does a demagogue delight in when deploying the mother of all bombs?