Don Jr., he of the many nicknames, showed up on Good Morning America this morning looking decidedly the worse for wear. He was there ostensibly to defend his dad, but all of us here at Jezebel could only focus on one horrifying detail: Junior Mint, what’s going on with your eyes???

Here’s a close-up:

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I have some theories about what’s happening here, because in addition to being an expert blogger I am also a doctor.

Symptoms: pink eyes, a little watery which suggests a period of sustained crying, possible formation of butthole eyes.

Diagnosis: swam in a swamp.