We at Jezebel find ourselves, once again, in a prison of our own making. We’ve all gathered against our better judgment, the advice of our families and healthcare professionals, to watch another debate. This one is projected to be way more important, however, because it features a) Senator Kamala Harris and b) a man who is neither knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s door nor (reportedly) currently has the coronavirus, and is therefore more likely than his boss to make it through November.
Though we are looking forward to Harris verbally annihilating Pence, who has been the chair and leader of the White House Coronavirus Task Force since February—an unequivocal, unmitigated disaster—these latter facts have inspired no enthusiasm. They have, however, inspired a new, possibly more sensible strategy for how we plan to engage with the debate in tonight’s liveblog:
Tonight’s soiree will be moderated by Susan Page, USA Today’s Washington bureau chief, who will probably do a phenomenal job considering Chris Wallace has set the bar at “try not to be shat upon by the belligerent guy.” A nice bonus for Page is that she will be 12 feet away from the candidates, who will also be 12 feet away from each other, so looking your enemy in the eye is wholly optional.
The topics for tonight’s debate are numerous, but the biggest question that matters is: Do we want another four years of Real World: America hosted by a man who recreated an action film sequence so that people could see him leaving the hospital?
Join us as we silently ponder these questions and also, impending doom!