We Won't Get to See Trump Throw a Ball on TV, After All

Illustration for article titled We Wont Get to See Trump Throw a Ball on TV, After All
Image: JIM WATSON / AFP (Getty Images)

Folks who could not WAIT to watch Donald Trump throw out the first pitch at a Yankee Stadium filled with nothing but eerie cardboard spectators and possibly covid-infected baseball players will, unfortunately, have to wait, because Trump has other stuff to do!!! Like, I don’t know, watching TV? Golfing? Letting the country devolve even further into a cesspool of disease, misinformation, and economic instability? Our leader is quite busy.

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Last week, the New York Yankees announced that Trump would be throwing out the first pitch on August 15, and though most Yankees fans are garbage, at least some of them (including NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio, who is actually a Red Sox fan) were sagacious enough not to want this. They got their wish on Sunday, when Trump tweeted that he was actually “too busy” to make the game, per the New York Times.

He even managed to make the tweet racist:

Because of my strong focus on the China Virus, including scheduled meetings on Vaccines, our economy and much else, I won’t be able to be in New York to throw out the opening pitch for the @Yankees on August 15th. We will make it later in the season!

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Trump has long been a Yankees fan (because the Yankees suck), was “best friends” with the late Yankees owner George Steinbrenner (seriously, fuck the Yankees) and even awarded former Yankees relief pitcher Mariano Rivera the Medal of Honor of last year (the Yankees are a trash team, I will not back down on this).

Still, even though I have harbored an intense hatred of the Yankees—dating all the way back back to the time I was one of 3 Mets fans in my entire Manhattan middle school during the 2000 World Series, and every single one of those little Yankees-supporting monsters were total fucking assholes about it—I would not wish even them the nightmare of hosting Trump.

Trump has routinely criticized athletes for kneeling in support of Black Lives Matter during the National Anthem, something the whole team did on Thursday and players Giancarlo Stanton and Aaron Hicks did just this Saturday. It’s hard to know whether Yankees management would threaten players with retribution if they did it with Trump present, but I’m glad we probably won’t get to find out.

Anyway, luckily my beloved Mets are not in any danger of a Trump pitch this season, mostly because all the Mets players will probably be completely broken by the end of next week.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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DISCUSSION

weeptalker
chocolate covered raisons d'être

What? He’s not claiming that he can’t throw because of bone spurs in his wrists? Or that no mere human catcher could catch his pitch because he throws harder than any pitcher in the history of baseball or really any sport, including ones with no ball or that haven’t even been invented yet?