We Now Regrettably Know Where Stephen Miller Dances the Devil's Tango

Illustration for article titled We Now Regrettably Know Where Stephen Miller Dances the Devil's Tango
Image: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

I’m very sorry to do this to Jezebel readers, but I regret to inform you that we now have concrete evidence of where Stephen Miller dances the devil’s tango, a.k.a. performs the horizontal lambada, a.k.a. makes the beast with two backs.

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This tragic news was made public on Monday, when Miller and his wife Katie, the communications director for Mike Pence, announced the birth of their newborn, Mackenzie Jay Miller, on Twitter. I wish nothing but the best for Mackenzie Jay, and fervently hope that she overcomes the challenges of being the child of such devotedly awful people and finds happiness in life, perhaps as a dedicated socialist.

But let’s move on from the baby, who is, after all, an innocent babe much like the immigrant children Stephen delighted in ripping apart from their families, and to the second of the photos that Katie shared, which features the couple and child posing on what looks like a very large bed, which is presumably their marital bed, and presumably where Stephen Miller performs his nocturnal emissions and possibly even engages in sexual congress when the mood hits. Again, my sincerest, deepest apologies, because maybe now you, like me, cannot erase the mental image of Stephen Miller exchanging bodily fluids with another human from your mind.

And then there’s this perplexing, horrifying detail from the Millers’s headboard, yet another cursed image I am unable to bleach away—click on the photo and look to the right. Happy holidays, everyone!

Senior reporter, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

goddessoftransitoryrisesagain
goddessoftransitoryrisesagain

Is that some kind of enclosed headboard?

Dear God, everything about this family is terrifying and horrible.