Image: AP

Lindsey Graham, Gossip Girl (XOXO) of the Senate, told NBC News this week that President Trump’s relationship with Attorney General Jeff Sessions is “beyond repair.”

Trump has “lost confidence in Jeff Sessions,” he said. “I’m telling you what everybody in the country knows: This is a dysfunctional relationship. We need a better one.”

Despite Sessions dutifully turning America into a hellscape for immigrants, restarting the drug war, undermining mechanisms of police oversight, advocating for The Wall™, and willingly wearing a MAGA hat on his round little elf head, Trump is still mad over his decision to recuse himself from the Russia investigation.

Will Trump fire Sessions on the sly? Will Sessions resign? Will they continue to work together, maintaining the kind of grudging respect shared between foot soldiers of white supremacy who also have puffy faces? We may not know until after the midterms, but let’s take a walk down memory lane with a rough timeline of the beef between Trump and Sessions:


February 8, 2017  

Sessions is confirmed as Attorney General with a 52-47 vote. Trump happy.

March 2, 2017

Sessions admits he met with a Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak during the 2016 campaign. He insists that it was simply in his capacity as a senator, but he decides to recuse himself from the Russia investigation. Trump tried to play it cool, but he’s pissed:

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March 14, 2017  

Vanity Fair publishes a piece reporting that Trump had discussed a plan to fire Sessions and replace him with zany grifter and now former head of the Environmental Protection Agency, Scott Pruitt. That would have been a fucking trip!

May 2017

Trump reportedly called Sessions an idiot to his face. To his face!!!


June 2017

Sessions reportedly offers to resign. If you love something (using the Justice Department as a weapon against people of color and immigrants) let it go, etc. 

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July 18, 2017

In an interview with the New York Times, Trump reveals that he wouldn’t have appointed Sessions as AG if he knew he would later recuse himself. “Sessions should have never recused himself, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job and I would have picked somebody else,” said Trump. Respect to a clear communicator!

July 24-26, 2017

Trump mad again, calls Sessions “beleaguered”:

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July 27, 2017

During a Fox News interview with white nativist dweeb Tucker Carlson, Sessions says that Trump’s remarks hurt his feelings. Sad! He adds, “But the president of the United States is a strong leader.” Also sad!

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February 2018

After a long slumber, Trump is back at it again. He calls Sessions’s handling of surveillance abuse allegations “disgraceful.” The tension is palpable!

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From the New York Times:

The two rarely speak except in formal meetings, and both sides describe the relationship as broken. In between the president’s tweet and Mr. Sessions’s response on Wednesday, the two stood awkwardly yards apart at a Capitol memorial service honoring the Rev. Billy Graham. Mr. Trump later fumed in the Oval Office about Mr. Sessions’s statement, according to advisers, once again leaving the attorney general’s fate in question.

March 1, 2018

News breaks that Trump reportedly refers to Sessions as Mr. Magoo, the bumbling cartoon character who is super old and very nearsighted. The resemblance is, admittedly, there. There were also reports that Trump gave Sessions a bullet proof vest as a “gag” anniversary gift for his first year as AG. Cute!

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April 6, 2018

Hmmm.

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April 21, 2018

Hmmm: The Zequel. This is definitely a mean girl tactic: I know you may have heard I said you look like shit in that tube top, but I want you to know that I never said you look like shit in that tube top.

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April 22, 2018

And here we have a shift to passive aggression. Ouch!

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May 30, 2018

Trump quotes former Congressman Trey Gowdy, who echoed Trump’s disdain for Sessions:

“If I were the president and I picked someone to be the country’s chief law enforcement officer, and they told me later, ‘Oh by the way, I’m not going to be able to participate in the most important case in the office,’ I would be frustrated too,” Gowdy said, according to Trump’s tweets. “There are lots of really good lawyers in the country, he could have picked somebody else!”

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And he ends with “And I wish I did!”

He wishes he did!!!

August 1, 2018

Trump demands Sessions ends the Witch Hunt!!!

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August 11, 2018

Trump says Sessions is “scared stiff” and “missing in action”:

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Okay!

August 23, 2018

Trump hits up his pals at Fox and Friends and talks some trash about Sessions, as usual. He said, “I put in an attorney general that never took control of the Justice Department. Jeff Sessions never took control of the Justice Department and it’s a sort of an incredible thing.”

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Sessions fires back in a statement:

I took control of the Department of Justice the day I was sworn in, which is why we have had unprecedented success at effectuating the President’s agenda — one that protects the safety and security and rights of the American people, reduces violent crime, enforces our immigration laws, promotes economic growth, and advances religious liberty.

While I am Attorney General, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political considerations. I demand the highest standards, and where they are not met, I take action. However, no nation has a more talented, more dedicated group of law enforcement investigators and prosecutors than the United States.

I am proud to serve with them and proud of the work we have done in successfully advancing the rule of law.

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August 24, 2018

Trump responds to the response, taunting Sessions on Twitter:

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So there you have it. What will tomorrow bring us in this largely one-sided beef? If you guessed more tweets then you are almost certainly right!