UK and US Relations Will Surely Soar Now That Both Countries Are Controlled By Yellow Haired Goons

Image: AP Photo/Matt Dunham | Graphic: Jezebel

Boris Johnson—pro-Brexit conservative blowhard with a penchant for casual racism and sexism—is the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. While the former foreign secretary and London mayor’s rise to Conservative Party leadership was relatively predictable, it’s no less frustrating.

In his victory speech, he promised to, “deliver Brexit, unite the country, and defeat [Labour Party leader] Jeremy Corbyn.” Very promising coming from a man who said women who wear burkas look like letterboxes and once referred to black Africans as pickaninnies with “watermelon smiles.”

Advertisement

The only good this election can do is improve Ango-American relations, as citizens of both nations can commiserate over the fact that we’re both controlled by obnoxious buffoons with bad hair and bad politics. Trump and Johnson are both New York City-born gaffe-prone chauvinists who want to impress Nigel Farage.

While there would be nothing more cathartic than for Johnson’s reign to be a blissfully short detour before a Labour government takes over once more, for now, it feels appropriate for to find catharsis in the most juvenile, unproductive way possible.

So here we go.

Looking a bit neat, as opposed to its default state, which is that of a nest occupied by deranged pigeons:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Yeah:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Living on the edge:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Same, girl:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Coming into class late with Starbucks and bad immigration policy:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Actually, I take back everything. Maybe his hair looks better disheveled:

Image: Getty
Advertisement

Choose your fuckin’ fighter:

Image: Getty
Advertisement
Image: Getty

That is all.

Share This Story

About the author

Ashley Reese

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.