Trump Wants to Be the Only Baby in the Room

At a campaign stop in Virginia, large orange baby Donald Trump was interrupted by an actual baby whose cries pierced through the auditorium like an arrow, landing directly in shriveled heart of the Republican nominee.

“I love babies. I love babies,” Trump, a father of five, said to the audience. “I hear that baby crying. I like it. What a baby, what a beautiful baby.” Here, he indicated, was a man who understood the pains of new parenthood and the invisible labor of new mothers. “The mom’s running around,” he pointed out, but he was not to be bothered. “Don’t worry about it,” he said in the most soothing bark he could muster.

Trump is a man who understands; he’s a man who is the champion of women, maternity leave, and of strong American families. “It’s young and beautiful and healthy and that’s what we want,” he added. Is there other more tender and loving way to describe a baby, the future of America—of Trump’s America—than “it”? No.


But the moment proved to be nothing more than a misty dream as the baby continued to cry. Trump had very important words to say and gesturing to do and sounds to make. The cries of Trump could no longer bear to be interrupted by the cries of an actual baby. “Actually, I was kidding, you can get that baby out of here,” Trump said. The audience laughed uncomfortably. “I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I’m speaking,” he added.

How dare this baby, this beautiful “it,” act like an actual baby? This baby needed to go. And so the actual baby was kicked out of the rally.

The large baby remained and said, “It’s okay.”

It’s okay.

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Kat Marlowe

I’m surprised because, for one shining moment, he didn’t have the smallest hands in the room.