Trump Declares He Has the 'Absolute Right' to Pardon Himself

It’s Monday! Back to the office, back to the grind, back to the slowly deflating balloon that is our representative democracy.

This weekend, the New York Times reported that Donald Trump’s lawyers argued in a 20-page letter that the president cannot obstruct justice, and Rudy Giuliani went on TV to claim that the president “probably does” have the authority to pardon himself, while adding that it would be “unthinkable” and probably lead to impeachment. His boss agrees with the being-above-the-law part, but assures us that he would never have to pardon (or “PARDON”) himself, because he is clean as a whistle:

And also, guess what: that “Special Counsel” you keep hearing about? Well, he’s illegitimate, and also it’s spelled differently than you may think:

Say, it’s really starting to sound like Donald Trump has done nothing wrong!