Trump Brags About the Size of His 'Nuclear Button' And Its Capacity to 'Work'

Photo: AP
Photo: AP

On Tuesday evening the President tweeted euphemistically about his dick again, this time with a hint of apocalypse.

“North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times,” wrote Donald Trump on Twitter this Tuesday, apparently in response to a speech Kim Jong-un delivered on New Year’s day, in which he warned that his country’s nuclear forces had been consolidated. “Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”


Evidently it’s a cruel, sickening threat, and the tweet’s framing, with approximately the dimensions of a dick-measuring contest, makes it even more dumb and infuriating. Not to mention a button is an odd choice since it typically symbolizes female anatomy, plus the size of a button has nothing to do with how it will perform, that’s not how buttons work.

Also, I thought the President’s special “button” was used to order Diet Cokes. If there is a “nuclear button,” I hope it’s nowhere near the “Diet Coke button.” Although I’m pretty sure it’s just an unfortunate metaphor.



The President has since tweeted some more ridiculous shit, like this, which reiterates his hatred of a free press and promises to target specific journalists and their work.


Anyway, maybe Twitter can get a button for deactivating accounts that threaten nuclear war.

contributing writer, nights

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You know what sucks? Besides the obvious. That even if trump gets kicked out of office and publicly ruined, all this shit has been put out there and exposed for the world to see. If the world was a neighborhood, we’re the family whose dad went outside jerked himself off and then took a huge dump on his next door neighbor’s lawn.

There’s just some shame you can’t live down and this man and his presidency is it for us. I’m 36 now and this man will be someone who will be referenced for the rest of my goddamn life.