There is a very specific sort of psychic damage that TikTok inflicts on a person, a threat that is often exacerbated by current events like the ongoing election. Over time, I have built up a resistance to the brainwaves this app sends through my phone to torture and punish me, but over the last 48 hours, these safeguards have been utterly obliterated.
The denizens of TikTok are, quite obviously, not handling things very well at the moment. From misinformation to misguided views about Florida and Texas, the app has devolved into pure electoral chaos this week—even more than when Trump attempted to delete the app off the internet earlier this year.
In an attempt to capture this moment in internet history, I went spelunking through the various corners of TikTok, on an alt-account I normally use to keep tabs on cosplayers and evangelical future tradwives. (In many ways, they both represent the hidden psyche of the modern American conscious.) Now, looking back at that decision, I genuinely wish I had done literally anything else.
Jezebel philosopher Hazel Cills once said: “There Are Only 3 Moods: Lobotomy Please, Asteroid Take Me Now, I Hope I Get Abducted By Aliens.” Right now, I’m at “lobotomy please,” but I wouldn’t mind an asteroid either.
Below is just a small slice of the mania I consumed before irreparably damaging my brain forever. This post will likely be updated when I return to the watering hole for more!
Turn off
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891276930960657670
Something something sleep paralysis demons something something why does Biden’s wig look like that:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891063532016766214
Wait for it:
@starqueen.tiktok #stitch with @daniwebb74
It’s nice to have dreams:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891207015654345990
I mean, OK
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891163064268328197
Lots of theories about Melania’s voting preferences:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891213336667573510
Makes you think:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6890998352905899269
Unsurprisingly, a large swathe of TikTok has extremely bad and reductionist views about the South and also Florida:
@jonathanflores23 chile anyway soooo #fyp #election2020 #foryoupage #rnbvibes #holidaytiktok #trending #viral
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891147143214664962
This is probably applicable to plenty of people:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6890978015606557957
Everyone is still horny for the mail:
@bryisshy coming in clutch 💪 #UnwrapTheDeals #trump #biden #biden2020 #govote #foryou #fyp #xyzbca
Now taking volunteers to hit me in the head as hard as humanly possible:
@bradizzled #greenscreen just quirky tingz, #mitchmcconnell #ohno
Good to have a hobby:
@thegirlwithamicrophone ONE WEEK to Election Day! I’m reposting one of my legendary drive-by’s every day until then. Here’s a fave of mine 😈😈😈 #fyp #fdt #vote #election
False! Dogs are Republicans:
@jacobxstephen This is where my mental state is rn
Ok, maybe not this dog:
@ghost_and_twins Don’t forget to vote #fyp #biden #vote #trump #dog #foryourpage #pence
Geography is nice:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891312854377450758
I think Biden is a bit too
@lilstudy itd be REAL FUNNY if he loses #foryou #election #election2020 #biden2020 #fyp #starwars #lightsaber (idea from @kanner_kreche)
I have found a new enemy:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891065051722157318
Turn off the TV:
@realmcjesse Lol this is a nightmare!!!
It’s maybe good for people to remember that
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891255431046499590
@davisdoes Manifesting a blue Pennsylvania 🥰✨ #pennsylvania #election2020 #biden2020 #tiktokforbiden #election #pennsylvaniacheck
Math is nice:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6891307529863712006
Lots of misguided and earnest liberals riling up the teenagers:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6890595100720762118
I would like a lobotomy:
@jojobiden46 T-minus 7 days… #fyp #countdown #jojobiden #TikTokForBiden
This person ignores how largely Republican huge swathes of California is:
@anthonyallistair #republicans #biden2020 #dumptrump2020 #gaytiktok #gay #lgtbq #magats #redstatesarefailedstates #california #newyork #witchtok #blacklivesmatter #fyp
Ugh:
https://www.tiktok.com/@southernbelleinsults/video/6890953444190883078
People are still making “Mike Pence’s Conversion Camp” jokes:
@matthatesmayo #greenscreen mf me and mike gon be making smores and painting our nails I’m excited😍 #mikepence #bunkd
I’m wishing for death again:
@trashling COME THRUUUUUUU #blarizona #foryou #fyp #uselection