Tiffany, Sad

Please just shoot Diet Dr. Pepper straight into my veins!

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Donald Trump wished the Navy “happy birthday” this past weekend, but either forgot or deliberately ignored his daughter Tiffany’s birthday, which was also this weekend. She turned 26. [People]
• Trump is feeling bad for the killing and forced displacement of Kurdish people in northern Syria that he all but authorized, I guess! [Washington Post]
• Meanwhile, Liz Cheney is blaming Turkey’s invasion of Syria on... the Democrats’ impeachment inquiry. [Newsweek]
• Totally normal, nothing to see here! [Rolling Stone]
• Bernie Sanders has a very good plan to give workers a stake in the companies they ceaselessly toil for. [HuffPost]
• He also is interested in shortening the workweek, which, hell yeah!

• Go away already!!!

• It’s almost as if Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook are... bad? [Politico]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

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This has been Barf Bag.