This Is What You Should Eat for Lunch Based on Who You Think Won the Debates

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Did you watch both Democratic presidential debates? Are you confident that you know who emerged victorious, but do not know what you should eat for lunch today?

Don’t worry, we’re here to help you decide with this very objective lunch guide:

Joe Biden

A glass of water and two slices of three-day-old high-fiber, low-calorie bread.

Elizabeth Warren

Give yourself the gift of a buffet—but keep it within reason!

Bernie Sanders

Two donuts, celery juice, and a hot dog (hold the mustard).

Pete Buttigieg

Nothing—you’re intermittent fasting and your food-eating window doesn’t start until 5 p.m.


Kamala Harris

A chopped kale caesar salad.

Cory Booker

A “T-bone” steak—with ketchup.

Julián Castro

Breakfast for lunch, because why not?

Beto O’Rourke

Half of a leftover chopped kale caesar salad.

Amy Klobuchar

Eat a steak, but with a comb.

Kirsten Gillibrand

A burger and fries, which must be eaten at the gym while lifting weights.

Andrew Yang

Six sticks of beef jerky.

John Delaney

I’m sorry, I still don’t know who this is. A chicken club sandwich?

Tim Ryan

Look in your couch cushions for those M&Ms you think you might have dropped three months ago while binge-watching Lost for whatever godforsaken reason.

Bill de Blasio

Thirty-two slices of bacon and a Diet Coke.

Marianne Williamson

Three hard boiled eggs (no salt) and a fruit salad—but no cantaloupe.

Tulsi Gabbard


Jay Inslee, Michael Bennet, Eric Swalwell, John Hickenlooper:



Senior reporter, Jezebel

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After last night, I’m feeling a Warren/Harris ticket. So guess I’ll have a kale caesar at the buffet today.