Illustration for article titled The Sandwich That Broke Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz, a bigot and a troll pandering to the worst impulses of the Republican party, has broken. He’s broke now. A sandwich did it.


The cause of Ted Cruz just utterly crapping out appears to have been this sandwich, served to him at Shapiro’s Delicatessen in Indianapolis on Thursday. Look at him: frozen in the glare of a thousand clicking iPhones and cameras, the plate clenched tight in his hands. His head aches like an iron band is stretched across his forehead; his mouth feel rubbery as he forces it into a smile. Beads of sweat form on his upper lip and lower back, dripping perilously into his aspirationally presidential butt crack. The pastrami wilts; the pickle sags. He’s wearing a fucking Fitbit, like a nerd.

It’s not clear why a pastrami sandwich broke Ted Cruz, but here we are.

Photo via AP


Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.

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