Ted Cruz With Food

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz With Food

When you aren’t giving a stump speech, the campaign trail is a chance to prove you’re a nice, fun-loving American who likes things that nice, fun-loving Americans like. Repellant also-ran Ted Cruz’s target demographic involves impressing people who love to pray, shoot, and, importantly, eat.

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And how he has eaten.

Here he is across the country with food as rich as his patriotism and an appetite as big as his dick (just kidding).

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Here he is at Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Wisc. with a real-life cheese head.
Here he is at Mars Cheese Castle in Kenosha, Wisc. with a real-life cheese head.
“Yum.”
“Yum.”
Cruz rolls matzah with some Jewish Americans.
Cruz rolls matzah with some Jewish Americans.
You can tell this Iowa State Fair pork chop tastes good because of how his mouth can’t close all the way.
You can tell this Iowa State Fair pork chop tastes good because of how his mouth can’t close all the way.
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“Hold me.”
“Hold me.”
At Joe’s Kansas City Bar-B-Que in Olathe, Kan., Cruz hunkers down with a sandwich, onion rings, and a 20 oz. cup of loneliness.
At Joe’s Kansas City Bar-B-Que in Olathe, Kan., Cruz hunkers down with a sandwich, onion rings, and a 20 oz. cup of loneliness.
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“Hee hee.”
“Hee hee.”
“No disagreeing with Ted on Ted’s special day.”
“No disagreeing with Ted on Ted’s special day.”
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And here he is sucking on a frothy cherry.
And here he is sucking on a frothy cherry.

Good luck achieving orgasm ever again.


Images via AP and Getty.

Senior Editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

GELLA - LLAP

if you want to go on a diet and stop eating, look at pictures above couple times