Ted Cruz to New York: We're Cool, Right Baby? New York to Ted Cruz: No

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz to New York: We're Cool, Right Baby? New York to Ted Cruz: No

Ted Cruz, that bloated fragment of sea junk, seemingly forgot that he would ever have to deal with the state that he publicly insulted on the debate stage in January. But of course he has to deal with New York, because it’s New York, and he’s running for president. And New York is now like, “Haha, no thanks.”

On Wednesday, Cruz made a campaign stop in the Bronx, of all poorly-chosen boroughs, where he clarified that his January comments about Donald Trump’s “New York values” weren’t meant to offend his Republican base, obviously.


“I didn’t mean to attack people in New York,” he said, according to the New York Times, emphasizing that he meant the policies, not the people. “I love New York.”

“Let’s be clear, the people of New York know what those values are,” he continued. “The values of liberal Democratic politicians like Andrew Cuomo, like Anthony Weiner, like Eliot Spitzer, like Charlie Rangel, all of whom Donald Trump has supported, given tens of thousands of dollars to throughout the years.”

That Cruz should even try in a state that he’s so thoroughly alienated—and which, if we’re being real, he is deeply alienated from to begin with—makes him look like the asshole son who spits on his mom’s lasagna and then asks her to make it for him the next night. No, dude, you’re just going to spit on it again.

New York City, however, isn’t easily tricked.


According to the New York Post, Cruz was set to speak at the Bronx Lighthouse College Preparatory Academy, until most of the predominantly minority school protested, calling him “misogynistic, homophobic and racist,” and his presence on campus “offensive.” The sagging senator agreed to drop out of the event.

One of the meetings he has been able to keep, however, is with former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani, a Republican who once said that he doesn’t believe President Barack Obama loves America (and that that thought couldn’t be racially motivated because Obama has a white mother). That, and a small event at the Upper East Side’s Knickerbocker Club for WASPs late last month, after which grocery store magnate John A. Catsimatidis wondered to the Times why “out of 100 people in the Senate, 99 don’t like him.”


The New York primary is less than two weeks away on April 19, at which point Republicans will have the option of voting for someone who has helped literally block all the sunlight from a portion of Manhattan, and someone who hates your guts. Good luck!

Image via Getty.

Senior Editor, Jezebel

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Beet Arthur

For the record when people say “New York Values” they mean white and black and brown people living next door to each other. Gays freely walking the streets and going to bars to enjoy themselves. Muslims, jews, christians, atheists, all shopping, dining, etc together. Everyone living the lives they want without trying to fit into a small version of whatever “normal” is in some small backwards town filled with people who think every place other than theirs is filled with roving gangs raping and murdering everyone and every restaurant serves dog. These people are so terrified of change I wonder if they’re not all wearing adult diapers every time they leave the house.