Ted Cruz Is Deeply Afraid That Trump Might Land Coveted Sarah Palin Endorsement

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz Is Deeply Afraid That Trump Might Land Coveted Sarah Palin Endorsement

It’s very puzzling that after all this time tango-ing with insanity, Sarah Palin’s garbled thoughts and feelings still matter to literally anyone. But here we are!


Donald Trump, a discarded crust of mollescum from Bristol Palin’s chin that grew and grew and grew and learned to talk, has implied that something big is going down at a rally today in Ames, Iowa, writing on Facebook that he will have a “major announcement” and a “very special guest in attendance.”

According to the Washington Post, a charter flight from Anchorage was seen landing in Des Moines around 8 PM last night, leading supporters to believe that La Palin would be the guest at this rally, because who else lives in Alaska? Plus, Palin and Trump are buds; he has floated the idea of having Palin as a member of his doomsday cabinet (she has her eye on Energy Secretary, because she loves “oil and gas and minerals”).


Ted Cruz, who is currently way ahead of Trump, slightly behind Trump, or neck and neck with Trump in Iowa, depending on which poll you’re looking at, is quite displeased by the prospect of today’s announcement. Cruz’s communications director told CNN’s New Day what’s what, via The Hill:

“I think it would be a blow to Sarah Palin, because Sarah Palin has been a champion of the conservative cause and if she was going to endorse Donald Trump, sadly she would be endorsing someone who’s held progressive views all their life on the sanctity of life, on marriage, on partial-birth abortion, he supported [the] TARP bailout — it goes on and on and on,” Tyler said.

“Donald Trump claims he’s changed all those views. But I think if it was Sarah Palin, let me just say I would be deeply disappointed,” Tyler added.

Boys, boys! C’mon. Sarah loves you both.

The announcement will be streamed here at 5 PM CST.

Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.

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Maybe Trump and Cruz will have an old fashioned sword duel to win Palin’s fancy and take each other out.