Ted Cruz Claims That One Person Likes His Beard

Ted Cruz grew out a beard and the world recoiled in disgust. Now, Cruz claims that his “good friend” (definitely real) who is conveniently abroad knows a rabbi (definitely real) who said that he likes Cruz’s beard:

Cruz claims that the rabbi elaborated on his (definitely real) approval of the beard by saying in a (definitely real) quote, “It gives Cruz a Talmudic & Rabbinic look & presence that will put the fear of the Lord into Israel’s enemies & promote Middle East peace.”

“Perhaps a bit much….” Cruz tweeted. Agreed….