Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina to Team Up in My Nightmares, and Also the Election

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina to Team Up in My Nightmares, and Also the Election

Staid local goblin Ted Cruz is holding a press conference Wednesday in Indianapolis to announce that Carly Fiorina will be his pick for vice president, according to multiple reports. The two have previously been seen together in the hideous fever dreams you experience after a long night of watching C-SPAN 3 and huffing wood glue from a NASCAR mug.

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Cruz chose to make this announcement the day after he lost five states to Donald Trump. He promised reporters he would continue to run a “positive, forward-looking” campaign based on inciting hatred against trans people.

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Carly Fiorina, who is presumably very excited about all this, didn’t release a statement ahead of the announcement. In an unusually good tweet, Donald Trump did so on her behalf:


Fiorina and Cruz on March 11, 2016. Photo via AP

Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.

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DISCUSSION

robgronkowskispartybusdriver
RobGronkowski'sPartyBusDriver

So the dude who mathematically can’t catch the front runner, and is despised by everyone, decides to name a VP who no one likes and who has succeeded at nothing.