Screenshot: MSNBC

It’s election night in America, and that means three things: I’m scared, I’m probably going to have stress poops, and I’m going to watch a lot of Steve Kornacki on MSNBC.

Not to shit on CNN’s John King, but Kornacki is the best board monkey in the game. He has the eager, earnest excitement of a labrador retriever and a genuine love of polls, numbers, and everything else that makes me want to launch myself out of a window. Kornacki breaks all this electoral dysfunction down into easy to chew, bite sized pieces with a touch of absolute fucking chaos that makes me feel like Kornacki and I are sharing the same caffeine drip. He’s also a welcome reprieve from the back and forth banter between the network’s talking heads who sometimes seem more interested in hearing themselves talk than actually dispensing news.

And If I’m being 100 percent real here, I’m weirdly attracted to ol’ Korn when he’s going wild on that touch screen board. Yes, please tell me about the demographic break down of this county in Indiana. Yes, circle that county with frantic abandon. Tell me about how that county voted in 2008, Kornacki! Whew!

Steve, master of numbers, expert in boards... this night is dedicated to you.