Stay Away From Him, Get a Job!!!

Donald Trump, aka the original goblin king, was caught probably committing some crimes with Rudy Giuliani’s crime guys last week. In case you were unaware, Trump is also the subject of an impeachment trial, happening literally right now. This is obviously bad news for goblin prince Donald Trump Jr., who mostly spends his time eating worms, shitting himself, and terrorizing villagers with his nonsensically un-buff arms. Considering the fact that his father’s removal from office would deplete his worm supplies, and his favorite shitting spots, he dedicates what spare time he has to trolling around on Twitter, desperately hoping his father will text him back about what a good little goblin prince he is, and maybe give him a kiss on the cheek.

Right now, Donald Trump’s primary defense against the impeachment seems to be, “I might have committed some crimes, but Hunter Biden also committed some crimes, which is worse.” And so, this is Don Jr.’s primary defense too. Normally the white noise produced by both men shrieking and flailing in the media isn’t enough to stir me. It’s been four years now, you get used to it!

But Don Jr. has just crossed a line, for me specifically. On Twitter, the goblin prince ruthlessly ripped a video of Billy Porter’s fantastic Grammys ensemble, complete with a motorized hat, in an attempt to be funny. Stay away from him, asshole!

I reached out to Porter’s people, seeing if the legend had any comment on Don Jr.’s flagrant misappropriation of the best Grammys outfit in decades. No word yet, but I’ll update this post when (or if!) they get back to me.