South Korea's President Says Trump Has a Friend Crush on Kim Jong Un, Which Will Certainly End Well

Donald Trump’s boner for murderous dictators is the opposite of news at this point, yet it’s still jarring to think about Trump’s pulsating crush on North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, confirmed Sunday night by South Korean president Moon Jae-in. Moon says Trump told him he has a “very friendly view” of Kim and wants to grant him security guarantees, lifted sanctions, and presumably matching friendship bracelets with teensy red button charms.

According to Time, on Saturday Moon told reporters he spoke with Trump at a Group of 20 Nations summit in Argentina this week. Trump wanted Moon to get a message to his prospective prom date:

President Trump asked me to forward to (Kim) these messages; he has a very friendly view of Chairman Kim Jong Un and likes him. He hopes to fully carry out the remaining agreements (from their June summit in Singapore) together with him so that he will make Chairman Kim Jong Un get what he wants.

Sure, positive diplomacy with North Korea could be a net good for the United States, South Korea, and the world at large. But no matter how many love letters Kim Jong Un sends Trump, North Korea can’t seem to stop building nuclear weapons. This leads me to believe Kim’s not quite as forthcoming with his intentions as Trump’s vulnerable little heart might hope, and since the “security assurances” Kim seeks likely include getting the United States to lower their nuclear umbrellas in South Korea and Japan, it’s a risky bromance.

Heartbreak is difficult for everyone; it is extra difficult when it comes in the form of atomic missiles. Time heals all wounds, as they say, but it actually doesn’t heal radioactive poisoning and melted skin.

Moon says Kim plans to visit Seoul by the end of the year, following Moon’s several summits with Kim in Pyongyang. Trump, meanwhile, says he intends to meet with Kim in January or February, if we get there.