Someone Found a Way to Make Ted Cruz Look Less Appealing

Hey, here is the worst thing I’ve ever seen!

Though it’s arguable that John Kasich, still in this race somehow, should be opting to team up with Ted Cruz to divide the remaining states up between them rather than splitting the vote in each of those states internally and thus inevitably ceding the majority of the delegates who are left to the tiny orange hands of Donald Trump—no matter; the pro-Kasich Super PAC New Day For America has released an anti-Cruz ad called “Nose,” which is, as I said, the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

The attack ad features a creepy female voice intoning about how Lyin’ Ted has Lied about This, That, and the Other—something about stealing Iowa and being unelectable, I’m gathering; I’d be able to pay attention to the specifics better if there wasn’t an unholy hybrid of pink slime/flaccid penis/prehensile penis/hot dog/noose/Surrealist household object Pinocchio-ing its way around Cruz’s neck as she speaks. You didn’t think it could get worse, did you? You were wrong.

Deputy Editor, Jezebel


This makes tentacle-porn look wholesome.