So It Turns Out Robert Mueller Is Going to Testify After All

Illustration for article titled So It Turns Out Robert Mueller Is Going to Testify After All
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Last month, Robert Mueller said he would not testify before Congress about the findings in his infamous report. But perhaps he’s grown tired of hearing the screams of MSNBC viewers nationwide, since now he’s going to do it.


According to the New York Times, my dad’s favorite superhero has agreed to testify in front of the Democrat-headed House Judiciary and Intelligence Committees on July 17, where he will presumably answer questions about his 448-page report. Though Mueller previously argued that his work should speak for itself, it seems the committees would prefer he reiterate the crux of the report—that President Trump is a big time crime-doer with a bunch of big time crime-doing buddies—in his own words, so they subpoenaed him.

From the Times:

The chairmen of the panels, Representatives Jerrold Nadler of New York and Adam B. Schiff of California, wrote in a letter to Mr. Mueller on Tuesday that they understood that he had reservations about appearing on Capitol Hill, but they were insistent he do so, anyway.

“The American public deserves to hear directly from you about your investigation and conclusions,” the chairmen wrote. “We will work with you to address legitimate concerns about preserving the integrity of your work, but we expect that you will appear before our committees as scheduled.”


It’s not clear whether we’ll learn anything new from Mueller’s testimony, since Mueller has repeatedly and adamantly argued that he addressed it all in the report. Still, the hearings will probably air live on television, so you’ll get to hear about all the stupid, petty shit Donald Trump Jr. did without having to watch a bunch of celebrities perform it.


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July 17: Mueller testifies

July 18: Cloud of gloom and despair worthy of Ghostbusters re-establishes itself over significant portion of the nation when absolutely NOTHING changes