Today’s lesson of the day is no, Grand Wizards are not cool, and yes, you are stupid for asking, and no, alienating Dungeon & Dragon fans is not a concern when fighting white supremacy.
Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:
- Ivanka Trump, alabaster-skinned Trump heiress and senior White House advisor, does not believe she has any “obligation to moderate” the president, her father. “Well I think that my role, and anyone who works for the President of the United States, their role is to inform, advise and then ultimately execute,” she told hard-hitting news program The Dr. Oz Show. “Where I disagree with the agenda, I will share it with him quietly. I don’t view it as my obligation to moderate. And I don’t think anyone working for a sitting president should see themselves in that capacity,” she said. [People]
- Special prosecutor Robert Mueller, who is leading the investigation into Trump’s alleged collusion with Russia over the election, is requesting a whopping 13 different actions by the White House. [The New York Times]
- China is pissed at Donald Trump for making shit harder with North Korea. Me too! [The Washington Post]
- Sen. Bill Cassidy, the co-sponsor of that vomit-stained pile of rags that Republicans call a healthcare bill, insists that his critics don’t know what they’re talking about. And after comedian Jimmy Kimmel called Cassidy a liar over his healthcare hypocrisy, Cassidy responded by saying “I’m sorry he does not understand.” [Los Angeles Times]
- Hillary Clinton’s memoir, What Happened, sold 300,000 copies in its first week. Publisher Simon & Schuster says that’s the biggest first-week for a hardcover nonfiction sale since 2012. [The Washington Post]
- In related news, Clinton told Stephen Colbert that macho man Vladimir Putin mansplained to her. [The Late Show with Stephen Colbert]
- Trump’s approval rating is crawling back up, proving Americans have the shitty leader they deserve. [Newsweek]
- Department of Health and Human Services head Tom Price has been racking up bills for private jets. [Politico]
Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:
This has been Barf Bag.