Sen. Marsha Blackburn Defends the Vital American Neanderthal Vote From Democratic Slander

Illustration for article titled Sen. Marsha Blackburn Defends the Vital American Neanderthal Vote From Democratic Slander
Image: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

Republican Senator Marsha Blackburn wants Americans to know that being a Neanderthal is a good thing, actually.

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The Senator from Tennessee appeared on Fox Business News to refute President Biden’s claim that states that are lifting covid-19 safety protocols are dabbling in “Neanderthal thinking.”

“I hope everybody’s realized by now, these masks make a difference,” Biden told the press Wednesday. “We are on the cusp of being able to fundamentally change the nature of this disease because of the way in which we’re able to get vaccines in people’s arms... the last thing we need is Neanderthal thinking that, in the meantime, ‘everything’s fine, take off your mask, forget it.’”

“Neanderthals [are] hunter-gatherers, they’re protectors of their family, they are resilient, they’re resourceful, they tend to their own,” Blackburn told Fox Business Thursday morning. “So, I think Joe Biden needs to rethink what he is saying.”

While it’s true that Neanderthals were more sophisticated than early researchers gave them credit for... they’re extinct. Neanderthals are extinct. Their resilience only went so far, because they’re extinct. And countless Americans are going to go extinct too if they contract covid-19 thanks to the callousness of their state officials.

In the last week, the governors of Texas and Mississippi have announced that they are lifting their covid-19 mask mandate and will allow businesses to open to their full capacity, defying the guidance of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Alabama’s statewide safety protocols will also end by the beginning of April. Alabama, Mississippi, and Texas each have a vaccination rate of less than 15 percent, trailing states of comparable population sizes.

But Blackburn believes that people are “ready to begin living their life” again and that Democrats are simply desperate for control.

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“What you’ve seen is the federal government step in, heavy hand, and execute power over how you can go to church, how you can go to a restaurant... you could have the liquor store and the grocery store open, but you couldn’t go to the local library, you couldn’t go to church,” she said.

She lamented that the lack of consistency in state and local mandates caused confusion, which is true, but that doesn’t mean that the solution is to do away with health and safety guidelines entirely. If anything, the step these states are taking will cause more chaos: While there are no statewide requirements to wear masks, some businesses will still require them.

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If you thought the confrontations between entitled maskless customers and underpaid employees were bad before, just wait until more states prematurely drop safety mandates that have been in place for several months.

The prospect of having some semblance of summer is so close. Just this week, President Biden said that there should be enough vaccinations for every American adult by the end of May. But we can kiss that pipe dream goodbye if more states decide to jump the gun.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

DISCUSSION

weeptalker
chocolate covered raisons d'être

I knew it. As soon as Biden utter that word, I knew some GOPer would jump on this as the new “deplorables” bit. Fuck but these assholes are so predictable and boring and exhausting...