As of today, Scott Pruitt continues to hang on at the EPA, despite a mountain of ethics investigations suggesting that he has enriched himself and his friends at the expense of the American public and the health of the planet. To that, we at Jezebel say: How inspiring. If only we could all be so attentive to our basest desires.

Since we only want to see Scott Pruitt succeed, Jezebel has gone ahead and developed an empowerment campaign, which the Environmental Protection Agency may use if it wishes, that highlights Pruitt’s positive influence on everyday Americans. It shouldn’t be too hard to turn the tide of public opinion, because in his time as EPA administrator, this self-care icon has taught us an invaluable lesson: Honor your own needs above all other considerations. Got paranoia-laced security demands? An affinity for cool military helicopters? Love a sweet deal on a condo? Treat yourself. You deserve it.

Producer: Phoebe Bradford