Illustration for article titled Republicans Want Don Jr. to Run for President, for Some Terrible Reason
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So far, 2020 has been an endless parade of fresh hell—potential war, destructive Australian bushfires, attacks on Roe v. Wade, and this fucking thing, to name a few nightmares. And now this: a new poll circulating among Republicans and Republicans who lean independent has Donald Trump Jr. listed as a top presidential pick for 2024. Yes, this one!

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The Guardian reports that the poll, circulated by Axios and Survey Monkey, found the most popular contender for the 2024 Republican nomination is Mike Pence, a man who does not seem to know who did 9/11. The second most popular contender is Don Jr., whom a whopping 29 percent of respondents thought would make the next best president. Still this one!

Baby Trump was a particular favorite among younger Republican voters, as was his sister, Ivanka, whom 16 percent of total respondents picked as the next candidate. Apparently, the Guardian predicted this when Don Jr.’s book, Triggered, came out:

Reviewing the book for the Guardian, Lloyd Green said it was “a better campaign biography than most” and was “best viewed as the opening salvo of the Trump child with real political chops”.

The president’s oldest child, Green wrote, “truly connects with the party’s base” and “is convention speech [in 2016] warranted the attention it received”.

“Bottom line, come 2024 Don Jr could well be on the ticket.”

Nikki Haley also made the list, at 26 percent. Eric Trump was not on the list, for some reason. Neither was Tiffany, who is constitutionally too young, but is at least in law school. Pick Tiffany! She knows law!

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Axios did include Marco Rubio, Ron DeSantis, and Rick Scott as options, though only Rubio cracked 10 percent. Axios did not put Ted Cruz on the list, not that it’ll stop him from publicly embarrassing himself again.

Indeed, the Axios poll paints a bleak future picture, one full of Trumps in the Oval Office forever, with or without Tiffany. But there is good news! There’s no way we’re making it to 2024.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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