Here is a very, very good rumor: That the Trump White House is insisting on a golden carriage ride during President Store-Brand Artificially Flavored Orange Popsicle’s state visit to London.
That’s according to the Times of London:
The White House has made clear it regards the carriage procession down the Mall as an essential element of the itinerary for the visit currently planned for the second week of October, according to officials.
Security sources have warned, however, that the procession will require a “monster” security operation, far greater than for any recent state visit.
The Hill makes clear that this isn’t a totally wild request—a procession from the Royal Mews to Buckingham Palace is fairly traditional, and Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, and Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto have all been taken for such a ride during their visits. (Well if Vlad got one, and the president of Mexico, and the president of China...) Barack Obama, however, declined to fuck with it, probably because it’s a security nightmare. A source told the Times:
“The vehicle which carries the president of the United States is a spectacular vehicle. It is designed to withstand a massive attack like a low-level rocket grenade. If he’s in that vehicle he is incredibly well protected and on top of that it can travel at enormous speed. If he is in a golden coach being dragged up the Mall by a couple of horses, the risk factor is dramatically increased.”
The White House has firmly denied the report to People, insisting, “We have not even begun working on details for this trip.” God willing this is true, and we won’t be subjected to the sight of Donald Trump’s shit-eating grin tooling around with Queen Elizabeth II in an elaborate symbol of the monarchy.