Report: Melania and Barron Trump Are Staying the Fuck Away From the White House

Photo: Getty
Photo: Getty

The New York Post reported on Sunday that Melania Trump and her 10-year-old, aptly-named son Barron will not be moving into the White House post-inauguration, but will remain encased in Manhattan’s Trump Tower instead.

According to the Post’s source (someone close to Trump’s transition team), this decision was made entirely for the benefit of young Barron, and was in no way based on fear. Why would you think that? Being close to the nation’s capital, even as First Lady of the United States, can’t match the allure of a Manhattan private school. “Melania is extremely close to Barron,” the source told the Post, “and they have become closer during the campaign. The campaign has been difficult for Barron, and she is really hoping to keep disruption to a minimum.”

Another source told the Post that Melania will only go to the White House as needed, since Barron is her priority. (In related news, the Secret Service just canceled Midtown Manhattan for the next four years.)


Don’t be misled, Melania loves her husband and soon-to-be Dictator Donald Trump, can’t get enough of him, it’s just that inhabiting the same 55,000-square-foot house as him feels a little too close. Barron’s scared too. Besides, they’ll always have Mar-a-Lago.

contributing writer, nights

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