Planes, Tanks, & Space Force: Scenes From Trump's Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
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Donald Trump was super excited for his Fourth of July Tanks, Planes, and Big Guns Spectacular—so much so that he reallocated $2.5 million from the Parks Service so he could afford to flex full-stop. But even taxpayer dollars and big Republican donors can’t change the weather, and the event ended up being kind of a big wet mess.

Indeed, what was supposed to be an imposing military parade turned into a much soggier affair, with rain hitting Washington, D.C. about two hours before Trump was set to give a speech at the Lincoln Memorial. In fairness to Trump, the MAGA supporters still turned out for the parade, but things looked a little sparser (and a lot wetter) closer to the action:

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Hm.

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
Image: via Getty

Ah.

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
Image: via Getty
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Not sure what’s happening here, to be honest.

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
Image: via Getty
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Trump gave a speech behind some rain-protective plexiglass, advocating for the creation of Space Force and promising to plant an American flag on Mars, a planet where big military parades will probably not get rained on. He also heralded the famed Revolutionary War battle in which colonial troops “took over the airports,” which sounds like a gaffe but makes sense if you’ve spent a lot of time at JFK Airport, which has clearly not been renovated since the mid-18th century.

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
Image: via Getty
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If you are wondering where the much-hyped big tanks and military vehicles were, it turns out only the Republican donors got to see them, as they were hidden behind a whole lot of security and fencing. There’s no such thing as a free tank.

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Today was much sunnier. Trump made a new friend:

Illustration for article titled Planes, Tanks,  Space Force: Scenes From Trumps Soggy Fourth of July Extravaganza
Image: via Getty

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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DISCUSSION

arcanumv
Arcanum Five

His excuse for the airport gaffe is classic Trumplethinskin:

I knew the speech very well so I was able to do it without a teleprompter but the teleprompter did go out and it was actually hard to look at anyway because there was rain all over it.

He manages to praise himself, deny it ever happened, and blame it on someone or something else all in one labored breath.