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As of the morning of February 4, the Democratic Party is united on two fronts and two fronts only: We cannot afford another four years of President Trump and the Iowa Caucuses were an absolute fucking disaster. Technical difficulties and mismanagement by the Iowa Democratic Party have delayed the election results, and hard numbers and official delegate counts may not be released until well into Tuesday.

But the embarrassment of the caucus amateur hour was heightened by the presumptuousness of Pete Buttigieg, who gave what can only be described as a victory speech before a crowd of supporters Monday night, despite the fact that the caucus results had not yet been tabulated. In a manner that can only be described as Obama-lite, Buttigieg infused enough perfectly timed smiles and soaring rhetoric to convince the casual viewer that his policy platform wasn’t simply a bland, moderate agenda in a youthful package.

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“So we don’t know all the results,” Buttigieg said. “But we know, by the time it’s all said and done, Iowa, you have shocked the nation. Because by all indications, we are going on to New Hampshire victorious!”

This was the Buttigieg way of dominating the chaotic Iowa narrative. But if you were to wake up, scroll through your Instagram feed, and see Buttigieg’s latest post, you would have thought the man won outright:

According to the Buttigieg campaign, the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana did have a good night. The Bernie Sanders campaign also released internal polling numbers from 40 percent of the caucus sites that showed Sanders leading the caucuses with 29.7 percent of the vote, Buttigieg with 24.6 percent, and Warren with 21.2 percent. Former Vice President Joe Biden was a distant fourth place with 12.4 percent of the vote.

In an interview with MSNBC’s Willie Geist Tuesday morning, Buttigieg attempted to shroud his triumphant language in humility, poorly. When asked why he claimed victory in his speech, Buttigieg said, “We were looking at the internal numbers that we had and we beginning to realize that something extraordinary had happened last night. Here you have a campaign that was really questioned when we first got in whether we even ought to be here, whether we belong in this race. And to not only establish that, but to reach the position that we did, was a clear victory for this campaign.”

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“So, not based, though, on anything you had heard from the state Democratic Party, for example?” Geist asked.

“No, we don’t have anything from the party, at least not that you wouldn’t have heard as well,” Buttigieg replied.

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Just a humble, normal concession speech, from a humble, normal man.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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