Image: Getty

Cancel whatever lame ass plans you have this weekend, because we, my friends, are going to party at Paul Manafortā€™s mansion in the Hamptons.

Manafort is currently in jail while on trial for bank and tax fraud and more than a dozen other financial crimes, so it seems like heā€™s going to be out of town for a while. Everyone knows what that means: party at Paulā€™s place!!

Thank you to landscaping business owner Michael Regolizio and audio-visual design company head Joel Maxwell, who revealed on Thursday during their trial testimony that Paulā€™s got an MTV Cribs-worthy home, a real-life Kokomo, just hours from New York City.

This sweet oasis makes your average Hamptons mansion look like an outhouse. Itā€™s wired with a $2.2 million audio-video system, complete with Apple TVs and a $10,000 karaoke machine. In his closets, you might just be able to snag an ostrich-skin jacket or two.

Manafortā€™s home boasts, according to Regolizio, ā€œone of the biggest ponds in the Hamptons,ā€ complete with a waterfall, and per CNN, ā€œa white and red flower bed in the shape of an ā€˜Mā€™, 14-foot hedges, ā€œhundreds and hundreds of flowers,ā€ and a tennis court. Goddamn.

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It is your civic duty as an American to cannonball into that pond, emerge covered in pond scum. Maybe barf in his well manicured hedges. Drain the swap, so to speak! Itā€™s what Paul would want.