O'Shit, Beto Is Within 1 Point of Ted Cruz Now

Illustration for article titled OShit, Beto Is Within 1 Point of Ted Cruz Nowem/em
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A new poll from Emerson College places incumbent Republican senator and mutated blob fish Ted Cruz just one point ahead of his Democratic challenger, Congressman Beto O’Rourke, setting them at a statistical tie. It’s just one poll, but damn I hope it makes Ted Cruz feel like shit!

The Hill reports that the survey puts Cruz at 38 percent and O’Rourke at 37 percent; 21 percent are undecided and four percent plan to vote for a different candidate entirely.

O’Rourke leads the pack in the 18-34 and 35-54 age brackets, while Cruz is predictably popular with the olds; voters 55-74 and 75 and older.


Real Clear Politics’ current tally of all poll averages puts Cruz with a 5.5 point advantage over O’Rourke, but still, this is Texas, and the momentum behind O’Rourke’s campaign has been enough to get Democratic voters amped.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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Y’all, I have, like, a teenage girl crush on Beto O’Rourke. We hugged once (well, side hug, like a Duggar) and I swear I got butterflies. He’s very, very handsome.

Anyway, but yes, please support Beto’s campaign if you can! It’s being run entirely PAC free; he’s got great ideas and energy, and he’s a goddamn sunbeam.

Ted Cruz is like a moldy potato you’ve found at the back of your pantry, growing shoots in weird places and soft when you touch it. You don’t know how it got there, you can’t remember ever getting it, and yet you know it’s really your fault that it’s there at all. Throw the moldy potato away and vote in this sexy french fry!

(Also I can tell that Cruz and his supporters are getting nervous, because every one of Beto’s insta posts these days includes some Angry ‘Murricans, who always say the same thing: “You’re not even Mexican; you’re just pretending! Your real name is Robert! Beto is a nickname!”

Yeah, no shit he isn’t Mexican, and has never claimed to be. His kids have the most Irish names in existence, outside of, like, Finnoula Seamus O’Clannighan (whoever she may be).