On the Road to Despair, a Pussy Surprise: Jezebel Liveblogs the Second Presidential Debate

Images via Dimension Films, Getty. Art by evil genius Bobby Finger.

Can it be? Is the presidential election going to be swayed by October’s most disgusting recipe, Pussy Surprise? Is our cuntry—I’m sorry, country —and the Grand Old Pussy — I’m sorry, Grand Old Party— going to be able to save itself? Are there really still any undecided voters out there, and, if so, what the fuck could possibly be wrong with them?

These are the pressing and vaguely sickening questions we must ask ourselves as we head into tonight’s second presidential debate, moderated by CNN’s Martha Raddatz and Anderson Cooper and featuring questions from them and some of those apparently undecided people. Watch Donald Trump emerge from reported hiding and try to explain himself, and watch Hillary Clinton surreptitiously pinch herself to make sure this wonderful gift from the media heavens is real.

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Hold on to your pussies, let’s do this.

Anna Merlan

Anna Merlan is a Senior Reporter with the Special Projects Desk, which produces investigative work across all of Gizmodo Media Group's web sites.

In closing, Melania Trump literally wore a pussy bow shirt tonight. This election is the wildest shit that’s ever happened, even when it’s not trying to be. Good night, folks!

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This is the latest on rumors that Mike Pence asked to leave the ticket: probably not.

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PS HUMA SIGHTING

HUMA IF YR READIN THIS LUH U HUMA

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Wait, were all the Town Hall attendees given free disposable cameras?

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CNN is praising Trump for seeming “engaged.” The bar is soo low.

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Jake Tapper just called it “a wash.” He definitely didn’t completely implode, so that beat expectations.

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I want to cry, that was a mess.

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I think Trump was honest on that point; Tony Schwartz was talking earlier about how his defining quality is his “relentlessness.”

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Trump: “She doesn’t quit. She doesn’t give up.” Eh, ok. That was an answer. They did it.

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I’M DYING

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Hillary Clinton: “I respect his children.” DAMN WOMAN

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“I RESPECT HIS CHILDREN” -I’M DEAD

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Wait did Trump just decline to go first

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Karl Becker needs to deliver

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My vision is blurring. Clinton really didn’t take enough advantage of Pussygate imo but she has this thing where she focuses on actual issues

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Did Bobby Finger time travel to get away from us and this election

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Trump is accusing China of just “dumping steel” all over the United States and just leaving it everywhere. AS YOU DO.

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He’s alluding to the Clinton Foundation, right? But his references and numbers are just part of this long, enflamed gibberish train we’ve been on all night.

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Maybe he can find a SCOTUS nominee who derives his strength from the blood of the young allegedly

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Hmm, who could that be, Kelly?

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*Abortion airhorn*

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Trump being asked about tweeting “check out sex tape” about Alicia Machado. He says he didn’t. He literally tweeted that.

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GET THE GIRL SCOUTS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

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