Oh Good, a Catholic Exorcist Will Hold a Mass for Brett Kavanaugh to Counter Witches' Hex 

A Catholic priest will hold mass for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh to protect him from a crew of Brooklyn witches who are planning an event dedicated to publicly hexing Kavanaugh and “all rapists.”

Father Gary Thomas, an exorcist for the Diocese of San Jose, California, told the National Catholic Register that he is appalled. Also appalled: His other exorcist pals. “I sent this to a load of exorcists yesterday and their reaction was similar to mine,” said Thomas. “That shows this is not something that is make believe.”

He added that, “This is a conjuring of evil—not about free speech…Conjuring up personified evil does not fall under free speech.”

I mean, it probably does? But okay.

Meanwhile, the hex will take place Saturday October 20 at Catland Books, a “metaphysical” boutique, book shop, and event space in Brooklyn. Tickets sold for $10, with 50 percent of the proceeds going to Planned Parenthood and the Ali Forney Center, an organization dedicated to helping homeless LGBTQ youth in the United States. Though the event is sold out, the witches are accepting donations.

“We will be embracing witchcraft’s true roots as the magik of the poor, the downtrodden and disenfranchised and it’s history as often the only weapon, the only means of exacting justice available to those of us who have been wronged by men just like him [Kavanaugh],” says the event’s Eventbrite description, a reference to the multiple sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh. “He will be the focal point, but by no means the only target, so bring your rage and and all of the axes you’ve got to grind.”

Father Thomas told the Register that the witches hex is, “going to direct the evil to have a permanently adverse effect on the Supreme Court justice.”

If that adverse effect means a Supreme Court that upholds Roe v. Wade, that sounds pretty fucking good!